Eggcorns

 According to Merriam-Webster, an eggcorn is “a word or phrase that sounds like and is mistakenly used in a seemingly logical or plausible way for another word or phrase.” One of the most common is “for all intensive purposes,” when the speaker really means “for all intents and purposes.

Here are some examples:

 Audience "agreeance," a combination of agreement & acceptance “another thing coming" instead of “another think” (Though many say it’s the other way around and “another thing” is arguably more common now.)"scared" instead of “afraid ”“as dust fell” instead of “as dusk fell ”“biting my time" instead of “biding” "best thing since life's bread" instead of “sliced bread” “bond fire" instead of “bonfire” “buck naked" instead of “butt naked” (though some say it’s the other way around)"callapitter" instead of “caterpillar” "chesterdraws" instead of “chest of drawers”

"chicken spots" instead of “chicken pox”"civilware" instead of “silverware”"close-a-phobia" instead of “claustrophobia”"consinct" instead of “concise”"curly roads" instead of “curvy roads”"daring-do" instead of “derring-do”"die-a-rear" instead of “diarrhea”"doggy-dog-world" instead of “dog-eat-dog”"Duck Tape" (a brand) instead of “duct tape”"escape goat" instead of “scape goat”"expresso" instead of “espresso”"Extreme Court" instead of “Supreme Court”"eyebulbs" instead of “eyeballs”"Facetube" instead of “YouTube”"flush out" instead of “flesh out”"flustrated" instead of “frustrated”"flutterby" instead of “butterfly”"free examples" instead of “free samples"gander up"(or “dandruff up”) instead of “dander up”"genetic brands” instead of “generic brands”

etc.

Late night...

 Late-Night Journaling

Unburden your mind and embrace peace—one word at a time.

C.f. The Midnight Journal

Mar 01, 2025

It’s late.

The world is quiet.

The distractions of the day have faded, and it’s just you, your thoughts, and the dim glow of a notebook waiting to be filled.

There’s something about the stillness of the night that makes everything feel more real, our emotions, our worries, and our dreams.

It’s when the mind finally speaks, no longer drowned out by emails, conversations, and daily noise.

And yet, so often, we let those thoughts swirl inside, keeping us restless instead of at peace.

This is where late-night journaling becomes a powerful act of self-care.

It’s not just about writing, it’s about releasing.

Writing down your thoughts helps them breathe.

It lets you release what holds you back and clarifies what stays in the quiet corners of your mind. If you cannot write what you feel, then paint it💛

Wake up recomendations c.f. The midnight journal. Jan, 17, 2025.

 

"Wealth is not in great possessions, but in few wants." — Epictetus

You’ve woken up, the world is still quiet, and the sun is beginning to rise. But before you dive into your chaotic day, consider this. You could set the tone for everything that follows in five minutes. It’s true. A simple, intentional morning routine can bring clarity and peace. And the best part? You don’t have to make it complicated.

In the spirit of Stoic wisdom, here's a 5-minute morning routine. It will ground you and help you embrace the day with strength and calm.

Start with Stillness – 1 minute

As soon as you wake up, don’t rush to check your phone or jump out of bed. Instead, take one minute to focus on your breathing. Close your eyes, inhale through your nose, hold your breath, and exhale gently. With every breath, remind yourself that you are in control of this moment.

Why this works: Stoicism teaches us to focus on what we can control. The first thing we can control is how we begin our day. A mindful pause prevents you from diving into a reactive state and centers you in the present moment.

"Comic art". 120x80cm. Oil on canvas. 2022. WvP.

2. Affirm Your Intentions – 1 Minute

Now that you’ve grounded yourself, take a minute to set your intention for the day. Ask yourself, “What is my purpose today? How can I approach my tasks with calm and clarity?” These aren’t vague questions—they are your guiding principles for the hours ahead. Whether it’s to stay present, work with focus, or approach challenges with grace, write it down or say it aloud.

Why this works: Setting an intention aligns your actions with your values. By creating a mental map for your day, you clear the fog of uncertainty and step into your day with purpose. This is the cornerstone of Stoic thought—live according to your values, not your impulses.

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." — Marcus Aurelius

3. Gratitude – 1 minute

Before you do anything else, take a moment to express gratitude. Reflect on three things you are thankful for. They can be as simple as the warmth of your bed, the opportunity to begin a new day, or the people who support you. This practice shifts your mind from what is lacking. It focuses on the enough in your life.

Why this works: Gratitude shifts your focus from stress to appreciation. Stoics taught that happiness comes from within. It's in how we perceive the world, not in external circumstances.

"A grateful mind is a great mind. It attracts great opportunities." — Plato

4. Physical Movement – 1 minute

Now, engage in some light movement. You don’t need a full workout—a simple stretch or a short walk around the room will do. This wakes up your body and prepares you for the day ahead.

Why this works: The Stoics knew the importance of maintaining a strong and healthy body. Our bodies affect our minds and emotions. They impact our clarity and resilience. A quick physical reset can boost circulation, release tension, and wake up your senses.

"It is not the things themselves that disturb us, but our opinions about them." — Epictetus

5. Focus on Your Breath – 1 Minute

Finally, spend one minute focusing on your breath. Close your eyes, inhale, and with each exhale, let go of any tension or stress you’re carrying. Let the breath be your anchor, bringing you back to the present moment, ready to face whatever comes your way.

Why this works: In moments of chaos, our breath is always there to guide us back to balance. The Stoics valued self-mastery. A focused breath is the best way to regain control in any situation. Deep breathing prepares your mind for challenges with calmness and clarity.

"He who is brave is free." — Seneca

In five minutes, you've grounded yourself, set intentions, and found gratitude. You've also moved your body and centered your mind. This simple routine aligns with Stoic wisdom. It empowers you to move through the day with intention, focus, and peace.

Remember, it’s not about achieving perfection or completing an elaborate routine. It’s about giving yourself a moment to pause, breathe, and set a purposeful tone for your day.

As you walk through your day, carry this stillness and focus with you. In the end, the secret to a fulfilling life isn’t about the big gestures—it’s in these small, intentional moments.

"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." — Marcus Aurelius

Pantomime for orators

If you're looking for pantomimes specifically geared towards orators, they are performances that can help enhance vocal delivery, gestures, and physical storytelling while speaking. These pantomimes can be used to complement a spoken performance, improve non-verbal communication, and add dramatic flair to speeches or presentations.

Does speaking have to do with acting?

Antonio López. 120 x 80 cm.  Pencil and Charcol. 

Selfportrait .80x 90. Oil on wood.

Wilko 2023

Here’s a list of pantomimes for orators that focus on gestures, physical presence, and expression to accompany speech:

1. Emphasizing a Key Point

• Description: Mime as if you’re holding something invisible in your hand and dramatically present it to the audience, as though it's a key object you're emphasizing. For example, imagine you are showing an important document, and your hand gestures should suggest the weight of its significance.
• Purpose: Helps orators engage the audience by adding physical emphasis to key points in their speech.
• Skills Developed: Gesture coordination, pacing, emphasis in speech.

2. Pointing to the Audience

• Description: Mime is the act of pointing to various people or sections of the audience, using your hand to guide attention while speaking. This can emphasize directness or address different groups as if calling them out.
• Purpose: Enhances interaction with the audience, allowing for a more immersive experience.
• Skills Developed: Audience engagement, physical connection to speech, and interaction.

3. Holding a Heavy Concept

• Description: Pretend to be holding a large, invisible object (like a boulder or weighty book), and as you speak about difficult topics, act as if the burden is getting heavier. Slowly lower the object when transitioning to lighter or more hopeful points.
• Purpose: Helps convey emotional shifts or thematic changes in your speech, using physical movement to mirror the weight of your words.
• Skills Developed: Emotional range, visualizing themes, subtle body language.

4. The Struggle to Speak

• Description: Mime the sensation of being unable to speak or of struggling to find the right words. Your body should reflect frustration or uncertainty as if trying to form thoughts but unable to do so.
• Purpose: Useful for orators delivering emotional speeches or expressing vulnerability. Shows the internal struggle to find or convey meaning.
• Skills Developed: Emotional expression, building suspense, vocal anticipation.

5. Gesturing for Support

• Description: Mime a gesture as if you’re seeking help from the audience — perhaps stretching your hands toward them or looking to them for support or validation.
• Purpose: Encourages connection with the audience, adding a sense of vulnerability or reliance, especially when addressing a difficult topic.
• Skills Developed: Audience rapport, non-verbal communication, emotional authenticity.

6. Holding a "Torch" of Truth

• Description: Pretend to be holding a metaphorical torch or flame (perhaps an important idea or truth). As you speak, lift the torch high and move around the stage to "spread the light," or lower it as you transition to a more somber or serious topic.
• Purpose: Enhances the metaphorical aspects of a speech, giving the orator a physical representation of their ideas.
• Skills Developed: Symbolic gesture, pacing, conveying abstract ideas visually.

7. Mimic a Past Conversation

• Description: Mime a past conversation, alternating between two "voices." Use body posture and gesture to differentiate the speakers, allowing the audience to see the interaction physically even if only one voice is heard.
• Purpose: Useful for orators who wish to bring a conversation or debate to life, demonstrating multiple viewpoints or conflicting perspectives.
• Skills Developed: Role-playing, voice variation, physical storytelling.

8. Opening a Book or Scroll

• Description: Mime the act of opening an ancient scroll or book and reading it aloud to the audience. The way you handle the “book” can be exaggerated: it might be heavy, delicate, or ancient, requiring special care. Use gestures to “read” it and emphasize the importance of the text.
• Purpose: Adds drama to speeches that involve referencing history, knowledge, or important ideas.
• Skills Developed: Gesture for storytelling, dramatizing quotes, integrating gesture with voice.

9. Pacing with a Thought

• Description: Mime the act of walking and thinking. As you pace across the stage, use hand gestures to show how you are working through an idea, and then "reach a conclusion" with a dramatic pause or gesture.
• Purpose: Helps build anticipation and conveys the internal process of thought. Great for reflective or philosophical speeches.
• Skills Developed: Timing, focus, movement coordination.

10. Shaping an Idea with Hands

• Description: Mime the act of shaping an invisible object, like molding clay or sculpting a masterpiece. As you speak, your hands form shapes in the air, symbolizing the creation or development of your ideas.
• Purpose: Excellent for speeches that describe the development of ideas, projects, or vision. Physicalizes abstract concepts.
• Skills Developed: Symbolism, creativity in gesture, visual storytelling.

11. The Call to Action

• Description: Gesture as though you are rallying the audience, urging them to act. Mime opening a door or handing something to an individual, emphasizing that the audience must take action now.
• Purpose: Perfect for motivational speeches, urging the audience to respond, act, or join in a cause.
• Skills Developed: Commanding presence, call-to-action communication, energizing the audience.

12. Reaching for the Stars

• Description: Mime the act of reaching up to the sky or stretching toward an impossible goal. This could be part of a speech about ambition, dreams, or striving for greatness.
• Purpose: To show aspiration, hope, or the pursuit of something higher. It complements visionary or inspirational themes.
• Skills Developed: Symbolic gesture, emotion through reach, aspirational movements.

13. Bridging the Gap

• Description: Mime the creation of a bridge, building it with your hands and body as if you're connecting two sides or uniting opposing ideas. Once the "bridge" is complete, gesture to it with pride.
• Purpose: Effective for speeches that seek to unite, reconcile, or build understanding between different viewpoints or groups.
• Skills Developed: Constructive gestures, unity representation, using physical space.

14. Dispersing a Cloud of Doubt

• Description: Mime the act of dispersing an invisible cloud that hangs over you, as if you're clearing away doubt, fear, or confusion to make way for clarity and truth.
• Purpose: Ideal for speeches focused on overcoming adversity or clearing up misconceptions.
• Skills Developed: Dramatic visualization, emotional release, overcoming obstacles.

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These pantomimes allow the orator to physically embody their speech, helping them to deliver their words with greater emotion, intensity, and engagement. Incorporating physical gestures can make a speech more dynamic and memorable. Would you like tips on how to incorporate these pantomimes into a specific speech or presentation?

My way

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows
I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes, it was my way

Writer(s): Gilles Thibaut, Claude Francois, Jacques Revaux, Paul Anka

Paul Anka wrote the lyrics for this song based on a French song called "Comme d'habitude", recorded by Claude Francois in 1967. Anka heard it in France and wrote "My Way" when he returned to New York. He gave it to Frank Sinatra, who recorded it on the 30th of December 1968.

Despite being the signature song for Frank Sinatra, he didn't like it actually, and said in his later years about it as "a Paul Anka pop hit which became a kind of national anthem".

In the UK, this song entered the charts six times between 1970-1971 becoming the song with the longest stay on the chart.

Elvis Presley performed "My Way" live in the end of his career. His live version of it was released as a single after his death in 1977.

The Sex Pistols recorded a Punk version of this track in 1979. Their version was used during the closing credits of the film "Goodfellas" (1990).

A 2005 survey by Co-Operative FuneralCare showed that this track was the most requested one at funerals in the UK. Spokesman Phil Edwards said, "It has that timeless appeal – the words sum up what so many people feel about their lives and how they would like their loved ones to remember them."

Have always loved this song and cried when I saw Robbie Williams in the Albert Hall in London perform it at its ... Best, @Wilkoart

c.f. AZLYRICS.com

The Colorful World of American Slang and Jive

1. What is Slang?

Slang is the informal language used in everyday conversation. It’s all about expressing ideas in a fresh, fun, and sometimes cheeky way. Some words or phrases come from specific communities, while others get adopted by broader groups over time.

For instance, when you say something is “fire,” you’re not talking about an actual flame. It means something is really cool or excellent. This slang was popularized by hip-hop culture, but it's now used by nearly everyone.

2. American Jive and Its Roots

Jive is a particular type of slang with roots in the African American communities, especially in jazz culture. The term “jive” started as a way to describe the rhythm and vibe of jazz music, but it evolved into a distinct way of speaking — smooth, playful, and filled with personality.

In the 1940s, jive was synonymous with the language of the cool, the street-smart, and the jazz lovers. Think of phrases like:

• “Dig it” — Meaning "Do you understand?" or "Are you on the same page?"
• “Cat” — A term for a person, typically a man, but it was often used to refer to anyone you thought was cool or interesting.
• “Chill” — This term has been around for a while, but its roots come from jive. It means to relax, take it easy, or just vibe with the situation.

3. Common Slang & Jive Phrases in Action

Here are a few more examples of slang and jive in action, and I’ll follow them with a little colloquium — an informal conversation where these words might pop up.

• “What’s the deal?” — What’s going on? What’s the situation?
• “Props” — Short for proper respect or recognition. If someone does something impressive, you give them props.
• “Word!” — An exclamation to agree with someone or emphasize that you understand or agree with what’s being said.
• “Straight up” — When you say "straight up," you're speaking directly or honestly. It’s a way of saying “I'm being real with you.”
• “Bet” — This one has a few meanings: it can mean “I agree,” “You got it,” or “I’m in.” It’s similar to saying “Okay” or “Sure thing.”
• “Ghost” — When you disappear or stop responding to someone, you “ghost” them. It’s like vanishing without explanation.

4. A Colloquium in Slang

Let’s see how all this works in a real-world conversation. Imagine two friends talking at a café:

Ava: Yo, Marcus! What’s good?

Marcus: Ayo, Ava! I’m chillin’, just tryin’ to figure out what’s the deal with these tickets for the concert tonight.

Ava: Bet! You still down to go?

Marcus: Yeah, for sure. I heard it’s gonna be straight up lit. Props to you for even getting the tickets.

Ava: No problem, I got you. I dig the vibe of this band. They’re fire. You ready to go?

Marcus: You already know! Just let me finish up this coffee, and we out. Don’t ghost me, alright?

Ava: Never! I’m always down to roll with the crew. You know that.

In this conversation, we see a mix of slang and jive expressions in action, all of which reflect the casual, lively, and often humorous tone of how people talk when they’re comfortable with each other. Words like “bet,” “props,” “lit,” and “ghost” all make the conversation feel more relaxed, friendly, and authentic.

5. Slang in Modern American Culture

While jive had its heyday in the 1940s and 50s, slang has evolved over the years — especially through hip-hop culture, the internet, and social media. Nowadays, expressions like “savage” (someone who’s tough or bold), “slay” (to do something really well, especially in fashion or performance), and “no cap” (meaning “no lie” or “I’m serious”) have taken over as part of the vernacular.

Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok amplify slang culture. Something can go viral in just hours, and suddenly everyone knows what “sus” means (short for “suspicious”). In this sense, slang keeps evolving and spreading faster than ever.

6. Why Does Slang Matter?

Slang isn't just for fun — it’s an important part of communication. It helps people bond, shows cultural awareness, and often conveys a feeling or attitude that formal language can’t. When you use slang, you can create a sense of belonging and connection. And let's face it, it also makes conversations a lot more entertaining!

At the same time, slang has the power to shape identities and defy norms. For example, jive during the Harlem Renaissance was not only a linguistic development but also an artistic expression that said, “We’re different, and we’re proud of it.” Similarly, modern slang continues to reflect social movements, whether it’s celebrating individuality or critiquing societal standards.

Conclusion

American slang and jive aren’t just random words — they’re a window into the heart of American culture. From the smooth rhythms of jazz to the fast-paced world of social media, slang has a unique way of capturing the spirit of each era. So, whether you’re saying “What’s good?” or “No cap,” you’re tapping into a rich tradition of linguistic creativity that’s always evolving.

"Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

synonyms for "dolt":

1. Fool
2. Nincompoop
3. Dunce
4. Simpleton
5. Blockhead
6. Clod
7. Bonehead
8. Nitwit
9. Dimwit
10. Idiot

Feel free to toss these around when you need a good laugh or to throw some playful shade!

1. Imbecile
2. Philistine
3. Peregrine (as in someone who’s ignorant or out of their depth in certain intellectual circles)
4. Cretin
5. Muttonhead
6. Moron
7. Boor (someone who is socially clumsy and unintelligent)
8. Dunderhead
9. Dullard
10. Oaf

1. Airhead
2. Meathead
3. Dingbat
4. Doofus
5. Dipstick
6. Twerps
7. Schmuck
8. Lamebrain
9. Wally
10. Knucklehead

For more advanced English students, the conversations can be more nuanced and engaging. Here’s an outline with topics and questions that encourage deeper discussions and practice:

1. Current Events & News

• Questions:
  • "What’s happening in the news this week?"
  • "How do you feel about [current event]?"
• Response: Encourage them to express opinions and share news they find interesting.
• Practice: Have them summarize a news story and explain why it’s important.

2. Personal Experiences

• Questions:
  • "What’s the most memorable trip you’ve ever taken?"
  • "Can you tell me about a time when you faced a challenge?"
• Response: Focus on sharing personal stories and using complex sentence structures.
• Practice: Explore past experiences, asking for more details, feelings, and outcomes.

3. Opinions and Beliefs

• Questions:
  • "What are your thoughts on [topic, e.g., technology, education, climate change]?"
  • "Do you think [idea] is important? Why or why not?"
• Response: Teach them to support their opinions with reasons, examples, and comparisons.
• Practice: Discuss both sides of an argument on a controversial topic, and ask them to take a stance.

4. Cultural Comparisons

• Questions:
  • "How is [holiday, tradition, or food] different in your country?"
  • "What cultural differences have you experienced in [English-speaking country]?"
• Response: Discuss differences and similarities between cultures and lifestyles.
• Practice: Explore deeper questions about societal values, historical differences, and unique customs.

5. Philosophical or Ethical Questions

• Questions:
  • "Do you believe people are born good or become good through experience?"
  • "Is it more important to be happy or to be successful?"
• Response: Encourage them to think critically and explore philosophical concepts.
• Practice: Use hypothetical scenarios (e.g., "If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?") for complex discussion.

6. Future Plans and Aspirations

• Questions:
  • "Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?"
  • "What kind of changes do you want to make in your life?"
• Response: Teach future tenses (will, going to, etc.) and phrases like "I hope to" or "My dream is."
• Practice: Discuss career goals, personal ambitions, and plans for the future.

7. Debate & Problem-Solving

• Questions:
  • "What’s a solution to the problem of [e.g., pollution, poverty]?"
  • "What are the pros and cons of [technology, global travel, etc.]?"
• Response: Encourage using advanced vocabulary, argumentation, and counter-argument.
• Practice: Set up a mini-debate where the student presents their views and responds to opposing opinions.

8. Literature, Movies, and Media

• Questions:
  • "What’s the best book you’ve read recently? Why?"
  • "Do you think movies should reflect real life or be purely for entertainment?"
• Response: Discuss themes, characters, and cultural relevance in books and films.
• Practice: Analyze a piece of media they like and explain the impact it had on them.

9. Advanced Grammar & Idiomatic Expressions

• Questions:
  • "Can you explain the difference between [grammar structures]?"
  • "What’s an idiom or expression in your language that doesn’t translate directly into English?"
• Response: Engage in discussions about language intricacies, using more advanced grammar structures and expressions.
• Practice: Use complex sentence structures and idiomatic phrases in conversation.

10. Work and Career

• Questions:
  • "What’s your ideal job, and why?"
  • "What are the most important qualities of a good leader?"
• Response: Discuss career aspirations, skills, and workplace dynamics.
• Practice: Talk about professional goals, workplace challenges, and industry trends.

General Tips for Advanced Conversations:

• Encourage using varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures.
• Allow for deeper reflection on personal opinions and experiences.
• Challenge them with topics that require critical thinking and analysis.
• Use a mix of formal and informal language to reflect different contexts.
• Include phrasal verbs, idiomatic expressions, and nuances of tone to add complexity.

This outline will push advanced students to think critically, articulate their thoughts clearly, and use more sophisticated language. The conversations can be interactive, with follow-up questions that promote fluency and confidence. 

Outline for having conversations with beginning English students.

 

1. Greetings and Introductions

• Questions:
  • "Hello, how are you?"
  • "What’s your name?"
  • "Where are you from?"
• Response: Teach them to say their name and where they are from.
• Practice: Repeat basic introductions in different ways, e.g., "Hi! I'm [Name]."

2. Talking About Everyday Activities

• Questions:
  • "What do you do every day?"
  • "Do you like [activity]?"
• Response: Teach simple responses using "I like" or "I don’t like."
• Practice: Ask them about their daily routines, like "What time do you wake up?" or "What do you eat for breakfast?"

3. Talking About the Weather

• Questions:
  • "What’s the weather like today?"
  • "Is it hot or cold?"
• Response: Teach phrases like "It’s sunny," "It’s rainy," "It’s warm/cold."
• Practice: Ask about the weather in their country or city.

4. Asking About Hobbies and Interests

• Questions:
  • "What do you like to do in your free time?"
  • "Do you like sports?"
• Response: Teach vocabulary related to hobbies like "I like reading," "I like playing football," etc.
• Practice: Encourage students to talk about their favorite activities.

5. Talking About Family

• Questions:
  • "Do you have a big family?"
  • "How many brothers or sisters do you have?"
• Response: Teach family vocabulary, like "I have one brother," "My family is small."
• Practice: Discuss family members and relationships in simple terms.

6. Basic Needs and Shopping

• Questions:
  • "Do you need help?"
  • "How much is this?"
• Response: Teach phrases for asking about prices, likes/dislikes about items.
• Practice: Role-play shopping scenarios.

7. Goodbyes

• Questions:
  • "Goodbye! See you later!"
• Response: Teach various ways to say goodbye, like "Goodbye," "See you soon," "Take care."

General Tips:

• Keep sentences simple and clear.
• Encourage slow, clear pronunciation.
• Use visuals or gestures when necessary to help understanding.
• Give them space to practice and make mistakes—this is important for learning!

This outline is meant to create comfortable, basic conversations that build confidence and practice key language skills. 

One of Huck´s great monologues:

Monologue synopsis: Huck Finn's wealth and the fact that he was now under the Widow Douglas' protection introduced him into society and his sufferings were almost more than he could bear. The widow's servants kept him clean and neat, combed and brushed, and they bedded him nightly in unsympathetic sheets that had not one little spot or stain which he could press to his heart and know for a friend. He had to eat with a knife and fork; he had to use napkin, cup, and plate; he had to learn his book, he had to go to church; he had to talk so properly that speech was become insipid in his mouth; whitherso- ever he turned, the bars and shackles of civilization shut him in and bound him hand and foot. He bravely bore his miseries three weeks, and then one day turned up missing. For forty-eight hours the widow hunted for him everywhere in great distress. The public were profoundly concerned; they searched high and low, they dragged the river for his body. Early the third morning Tom Sawyer wisely went poking among some old empty hogsheads down behind the abandoned slaughter-house, and in one of them he found the refugee. Huck had slept there; he had just breakfasted upon some stolen odds and ends of food, and was lying off, now, in comfort, with his pipe. He was unkempt, uncombed, and clad in the same old ruin of rags that had made him picturesque in the days when he was free and happy. Tom routed him out, told him the trouble he had been causing, and urged him to go home. This monologue is his answer to Tom.

Monologue

Huck Finn: (Huck's face lost its tranquil content, and took a melancholy cast)
-Don't talk about it, Tom. I've tried it, and it don't work; it don't work, Tom. It ain't for me; I ain't used to it. The widder's good to me, and friendly; but I can't stand them ways. She makes me get up just at the same time every morning; she makes me wash, they comb me all to thunder; she won't let me sleep in the woodshed; I got to wear them blamed clothes that just smothers me, Tom; they don't seem to any air git through 'em, somehow; and they're so rotten nice that I can't set down, nor lay down, nor roll around anywher's; I hain't slid on a cellar-door for... well, it 'pears to be years; I got to go to church and I hate them ornery sermons! I can't ketch a fly in there, I can't chaw. I got to wear shoes all Sunday. The widder eats by a bell; she goes to bed by a bell; she gits up by a bell. Everything's so awful regular a body can't stand it. It's awful to be tied up so. And grub comes too easy... I don't take no interest in vittles, that way. I got to ask to go a-fishing; I got to ask to go in a-swimming... dern'd if I hain't got to ask to do everything. Well, I'd got to talk so nice it wasn't no comfort... I'd got to go up in the attic and rip out awhile, every day, to git a taste in my mouth, or I'd a died, Tom. The widder wouldn't let me smoke; she wouldn't let me yell, she wouldn't let me gape, nor stretch, nor scratch, before folks [Then with a spasm of special irritation and injury] And dad fetch it, she prayed all the time! I never see such a woman! I HAD to shove, Tom - I just had to. And besides, that school's going to open, and I'd a had to go to it - well, I wouldn't stand THAT, Tom. Looky-here, Tom, being rich ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time. Now these clothes suits me, and this bar'l suits me, and I ain't ever going to shake 'em any more. Tom, I wouldn't ever got into all this trouble if it hadn't 'a' ben for that money; now you just take my sheer of it along with your'n, and gimme a ten-center sometimes -- not many times, becuz I don't give a dern for a thing 'thout it's tollable hard to git -- and you go and beg off for me with the widder. No, Tom, I won't be rich, and I won't live in them cussed smothery houses. I like the woods, and the river, and hogsheads, and I'll stick to 'em, too. Blame it all! just as we'd got guns, and a cave, and all just fixed to rob, here this dern foolishness has got to come up and spile it all!

~An excerpt from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
by Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens)~
(Adaptated for theatre by Aliki Katsavou)